Hi, my sweetie’s…✌🏼
The disgusting abuse being hurled at various women in the public eye via two days ago, the recent reports of the sickening trolling of teenagers and adults driven to suicide has lead me to think about my own experiences of bullying…..
Having been picked on at primary School, bullied of how many years of secondary school, I suffered bullying in many forms…but was lucky to survive…
I consider myself fairly well placed to speak on the subject. Perhaps it could be a future Mastermind subject? “Kim you have 60 seconds to answer questions on your specialist subject bullying”, but I digress.
Sadly bullying blights the life of many people and it’s not just kids. In the age of social media “adult bullying” for want of a better term is on the rise. I think people are finding it more acceptable to harass and insult each other across all sorts of mediums. Whilst the media focuses on the extreme examples and their tragic consequences I’d like to tell my own story.
I’ve never been popular, I was never allowed in their group because I was out of their league…. When I was at primary school although I was picked on, called fat and stupid – the normal stuff, it was bearable. Secondary school was a whole different story. The saddest thing is that I consider my experience to be one of the lesser cases of bullying that I witnessed in my year group. I feel like I was lucky only to have been physically bullied on a small number of occasions…
“The old saying that “sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me” is woefully untrue.”
Imagine five years of your life where you are being told daily that you are ugly, fat, stupid and thick…add to this regular teenage angst and you have a recipe for a mental health disaster….
Oddly my depression and anxiety, although directly connected to the bullying, didn’t come on until after school. I think that because I had the most amazing time at my adult work life with the friends than I did have from school, it has wiped away the memories and insecurities for 20 glorious years. It was when this was over that the memories and feelings returned and mutated into serious mental health problem .
The media usually concentrate on the immediate after effects of bullying but the truth is the effects reach further than you can imagine.I left school an entire decade ago, yet I can still feel like that isolated 13 year old with everyone laughing at her. Even after seven years of medication, counselling and talking therapies, I’m paranoid about what people think after comments made over 30 years ago.
I’m not trying to write a “woe is me” blog, as many people have come through far worse experiences and I have so much respect for their strength and resilience. However I really think there is an argument for talking about the long-term effects of bullying long after school is over.
“If someone was to explain, frankly and openly how much the actions of others have affected them down the line would that make kids (or even adults) stop and think how they treat people?”
If even one bully was stopped in their tracks as a result of being shown the damage they are doing then that’s one less person suffering now and potentially in the future.
If you are reading this and are being bullied, then first of all *massive hugs*, secondly well done on being brave and coping every day. At the risk of sounding like a cliché it will get better, in little ways you will be able to fight back. Maybe not whilst you are at school but in the future you will have moments when you look back and think “ha! if you could see me now” (one of mine was becoming successful and travelling all around the world ). One of the ways I fought back was by taking pride in being different, it gave me freedom to be myself and have friends who accepted me for me rather than someone trying to fit in with the in-crowd…..
So remember, no matter who you are, whether you’re 5, 15, 25 or 105 then you are better than the bullies. It will get better. If I can survive it, then so can you…..
The way we can stop the bullying and become more confident..👍🏻
Be smart and aware of everything. Study the surroundings for possible escape routes, hangouts, conflict zones, safe zones, and territorial boundaries. Be aware of the bully’s patterns including possible connections, as most bullies have a pack of underlings. Knowing the enemy and the surroundings could mean a lot when evading but, most importantly, during a direct confrontation…
- Be confident when walking about. Walk with a purposeful confidence and a don’t-you-dare-mess-with-me attitude. Walk with your head up looking forward in the direction you are walking and use your peripheral vision to be aware of the people around you. No matter how untrue it feels to you, act confident and stand tall. Everyone will be none the wiser….
Learn a few self-defense moves. This is very important should you need to fight (which hopefully you won’t). You don’t need a black belt, just tips on self-defense. Do so with all your strength, and do so without reluctance.
- A quick kick in the groin will make the person feel dazed and look embarrassed long enough for an escape. Bullies aren’t always used to others getting the best of them.
- If the groin doesn’t work, try the solar plexus (right below the ribs), or kick a knee to make the person trip.
- If the bully is grabbing you or pushing you, believe it or not, it’s actually an advantage. Try really hard to keep your balance, grab one of their arms with your left hand and hit their elbow with the other, then using your other hand, push away the remaining arm.
- Then when you get your first chance, run to get to a safe place and call for help.
Develop a deep understanding of yourself (and how great you are). Know your strengths, weaknesses, and goals. Know what you want and what you’re capable of. This self-assurance can be helpful when dealing with verbal bullies, as their words of insult won’t reach your core. Verbal bullies usually require an audience when dishing out insults and their words are rarely based on what’s true but rather what’s catchy.
- Try to overcome the rumors: tell everyone it’s not true and that the bully just wants attention. Turn the negative spotlight back on them. Point out their bullying tendencies and how incredibly insecure and unhappy they must be to have to pick on others.
- These insults and the way this person is treating you has nothing to do with reality, nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them. This is their insecurity and unhappiness showing through. When they’re done with you, they’ll likely move onto someone else.
Don’t be tempted to bully back. The last thing you want to do is to sink to the bully’s level. While you should definitely point out why they’re bullying and find holes in their argument, never, ever, ever resort to behavior like theirs. That’s just another way of giving them power. It makes you as bad as them.
- And if you do, you’re about to get in much as trouble as they are. If things do get crazy and the appropriate authorities get involved, no one would know who the actual bully is – you or them.
We are strong enough…to fight back at times for all the right reasons…but don’t be a victim of bullying..stand up for your rights…
My bullying had a massive impact on my life and mental illness..but now I’m as strong as ever..and you are too…100%..😘
Also do not be a victim of cyber bullying, if you are experiencing any of this…report it asap…as it can lead to devastating consequences…💔💔
Take care my lovelies..✌🏼♥️.