Hi my lovelies 🙂.
When I was in a rehab centre last year…I had written a lot of poetry…which was heartbreaking..and I would now like to share it with you all..and try and release a sense of relief from pain and the sadness that I once felt..💔.
I want to share this, as this will show how your definitely not alone in this process..✌🏼 and I’m with you every step of the way 100%..♥️
Lately I haven’t been feeling well and I’m sorry if I don’t smile as much I’m sorry if the words hurt a bit more
I’m sorry if you don’t like how I do things and I’m sorry if instead of hurting myself…the way I used to..
I’m hurting you instead, it’s hard to scream without my voice, now I can’t cry for help, now I have to wait for someone to see me trying, I’m sorry…..
In a sudden twisted inward I’am lurched into an altered consciousness, of palpitating silent fear…fighting invisible strangling fingers, of irrational thought..
Neutrons are playing pinball in my head as someone else is looking out through my eyes at the people around me, who are all fine and well breathing normal air…
My heart is desperately afraid it runs and runs away so hard from a threat that exists, only in my mind but I’am distorted by panic, and my breathing betrays..my mind is clamouring wearily at me, to relax, get a grip there is no cause for such extreme sensitivity, it is only my own self consciousness nothing is really wrong…
Yes I’m positive, stomach churns…acid burns that’s just to visit friends, my heart needs interaction but just wants the night to end…
I’am always overwhelmed, by that feeling where your heart won’t slow down and your mind is freaking you out, and your palms are sweaty….
And I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong constantly,
I’m overwhelmed by anxiety and I can’t stop shaking and there’s no way to stop it, and I can’t stop thinking about how It would be.
If it just stopped
If it just stopped…..
When I’m upset…
I shut myself down, I have no motivation…for anything I tell myself that nobody cares… even though I know some do..
I think about all of the negative things, I could possibly think of..I give myself all the pain thinking I deserve it I’m not sure why I do that, but that’s just how I’am…