Butterflies Are My Soul 🦋…..

Hello… everyone 🦋💗

Dear Butterfly…..

born and raised in captivity

to whose influence is more substantial than the truth of originality.

Can only offer but a mere of support,

if you don’t fly soon

you’ll be too late for all the sorts.

They will try to block you from the light,

knock you down from your first flight, 

fake along to take your wings,

it’s up to you to shine your beam.

Once you’re free the colors will show

having faith is what will make you glow

don’t be scared I’ll have you know

that originality is more substantial than inlfuence.

 Butterfly to butterfly who are you to judge

my colors are just as beautiful as are the colors that are shown upon yours.

We are not the same

I break the rules and you don’t

I’ll take first flight and you won’t

I’ll be the one to get splattered down

You’ll hide from the rain

Just so you won’t hit the ground

I’ll sway past birds to get to the other side

Though I get scared

I must not hide

I’ll take that risk,

I’ll be that bold,

I’ll knock the rain, 

I’ll beat that snow,

not sure of what awaits next day

so listen up

for I must say,

let me be proud of the butterfly I’ve become today. 

xx 🙂

Poetry And Writing….Is My Inspiration…It’s A Way Of Coping….With Depression And My Mental Illness….💔

Hello everyone 🙂

I struggle with depression myself, I find myself drawn to poetry and writing, to find solace, to find comfort, to find solidarity, and a better understanding of my experiences—as well as the experiences of those who deal with depression in ways that don’t mirror mine at all…..

1. “IT WAS NOT DEATH, FOR I STOOD UP” …

It was not Death, for I stood up,
And all the Dead, lie down—
It was not Night, for all the Bells
Put out their Tongues, for Noon.

It was not Frost, for on my Flesh

I felt Siroccos—crawl—
Nor Fire—for just my Marble feet
Could keep a Chancel, cool—

And yet, it tasted, like them all,
The Figures I have seen
Set orderly, for Burial,
Reminded me, of mine—

As if my life were shaven,
And fitted to a frame,
And could not breathe without a key,
And ’twas like Midnight, some –

When everything that ticked—has stopped—
And Space stares—all around—
Or Grisly frosts—first Autumn morns,
Repeal the Beating Ground—

But, most, like Chaos—Stopless—cool—
Without a Chance, or Spar—
Or even a Report of Land—
To justify—Despair.

“THE FURY OF RAINSTORMS”….

The rain drums down like red ants,
each bouncing off my window.
The ants are in great pain
and they cry out as they hit
as if their little legs were only
stitched on and their heads pasted.
And oh they bring to mind the grave,
so humble, so willing to be beat upon
with its awful lettering and
the body lying underneath
without an umbrella.
Depression is boring, I think
and I would do better to make
some soup and light up the cave.

My thoughts on trying to write about peace and happiness…..and now it’s sadness….

Sadness and loneliness…

I say.. to myself…. I’am a good blogger??…Am I writing something that’s meaningful..as I love poetry…such as love and happiness, and peace ✌🏼 to try and reach out to help others…😕💔 regards mental illness…as being a samaritan taking calls can at times be so overwhelming….😢

Deep Fears Of Tearfulness 😭



Nobody knows,
Nobody sees.
A trapped soul,
In her own deeds.
People walk past,
People skim over.
But they do not realize,
Her soul that has changed
Many others.
Her life a tragic,
Her mind bruised.
But how much more
Can she bear if she only has so little.
A soul lost in sight,
A soul mixed in heights.
Depths of the stars,
Cannot foretell her future.
But she can only take so much,
Before breaking.

Her wrists tell a story

of a damsel in distress.

A princess with her head held high 

and tears in her dress. 

All the frogs she’s kissed 

in hopes of finding the one,

leaves her heart broken.

The blade has won.

She shuts herself in the tower

away from everyone else.

She rolls down her sleeves, 

A barrier between truth and stealth.

She can be alone.

Alone is the worst place to be 

for a girl haunted by memories. 

Temptations come faster,

options become less.

When you’re alone,

No one knows you’re depressed.

Maybe we should stop teaching girls 

That fairytales do come true.

Because there are no princesses. 

Just girls who make it through.

Sorry guys…I write all the time…when I’m feeling complete sadness… but it’s some of my poetry I’m sharing with you all….♥️🥰…

It’s my inspiration to all…I’m taking a break from wordpress for a while but will be back soon..✌🏼…

She’s Alone….💔

This short poem is about the joy of being alone and free to set your own course.

Singularity

She is alone.
A loner.
On her own.
A single singularity
drinking in the light.

This short poem is about solitude, silence, and the absence of noisy expectations.

No one

No one is
yelling,
telling,
glaring,
staring,
judging,
begrudging.

She is alone.

silence is beauty…..

This short poem is about the assumptions we make when someone is quiet.

Quiet disguise….

Silence is
the ultimate disguise.
It cloaks the truth
and muffles lies.
Close your mouth
and open your eyes
and everyone will think
you’re very wise.

This short poem is about imagining the quiet yet breezy life of a shade tree.

Tree

All she wanted to be
was a tall, shady tree/
growing alone
by a comfortable stone/
swaying in the breeze/
taking her ease/
a quiet highness
basking in the silence.

XX 😚

Poetry….Of Things We Struggle With….💔♥️..

Hello everyone…🙂

The termite (anxiety)

anxiety is
a broken car alarm
in your mind,
a mosquito
whining
in your ear,
a shimmering hole
in your vision.
it gnaws at
the edges of
your days,
an insatiable termite
that burrows
into your soul.

This short poem is about overcoming mental health challenges, even when they’re not what you expected.

Resilience….

Panic pulled her under the surface,
depression held her there
until her lungs burned
and her vision went dark
around the edges.

Resigned to drowning,
she opened her mouth
to take one last breath
but something was different now:
she had grown gills.

It was difficult and unexpected,
but she lived.

This short poem is about the importance of taking some quiet time at the end of each day.

Self care for introverts…..

Every day, she swims through dark waters
even though she can’t see the shore.
She smiles and helps and tries her best
even though they ask for more.

She lives for the darkness past the end of the day,
the starry hour when she can close her door
and bathe in the silence.

This short poem is about how a pretty shiny exterior can conceal a lot of pain.

Dream girl….

The manic pixie dream girl
knows all about hiding her pain.
She dances and twirls
and flashes her brilliant wit
like a dagger.
She glitters and shimmers
and weaves beautiful lies
like a siren.
When the party ends,
she winks at her besotted admirers
and goes home with
despair.

This short poem is about taking all the time you need to heal, even when the wounds are invisible.

The real meaning of broken……

This short poem is about the journey from turmoil to peace, in whatever form it takes.

The temple of healing

Her mind was once a battleground
where fear and anger warred
and despair bound love in
iron chains.
Now it is a quiet temple
where love and kindness
learn to walk
once again.

xx 😘

Why I Blog…..My Anxiety And Depression Experiences..And Guidance For Others…🌹

We blog to share our experiences here for someone who understands…

Our mental health sets on our own feelings …🌸

No matter how forward we try and go, we try and find some peace but sometimes that’s not the case…✌🏼

My depression…💔

I give you the tools and techniques you need to feel calmer and more in control

You had it once, now it’s gone
Like a knot it’s been undone
Was once so tight, now so slack
Happy times you wish you could have back
You sit a home, and feel so lonely
It’ll be great if that was all, if only…
Zombie on the outside, the living dead
But so many questions floating around your head
Confusions rains down, it pours
Pandora’s Box, You’ve opened the doors
No sign of anyone who can help
No sense of feelings or of yourself
Where You can find the answers
Who are you? What are you?
Are you a dream? Or are you the dreamer?
Are you a thought? Or a complex computer,
How do your thoughts start? What makes them end?
What makes you do this? What makes you do that?
I know a times you can overanalyze, You can’t help it
Thinking and gazing into space, as you sit
Why can’t you accept the wisdom of those around
Not letting yourself accept the answers You’ve found
You want to free yourself from your mind
And not just to pretend
Everything’s okay everything’s fine
You want to be NORMAL… When it’s going to end….

My Anxiety.. And Finding Calmness…

You have a good life, a life that many people would be happy to have. You’re surrounded by supportive friends and family and to the outside world you have it all. 

But.. On the inside you’re struggling: anxiety, worries, stress, overwhelm. Perhaps it’s a lack of confidence and self belief with negative thoughts wiring around your head. You might be feeling it in your body, a sense of being of being on edge, disturbed sleep with moods that change with the weather. 

Maybe you know why you feel like this, something unresolved from the past or perhaps there’s no clear reason.  Either way Its getting you down and stopping you enjoying your life. You’re in a vicious cycle of one step forward two steps back. Just when you think things are getting better they creep up on you again.

You’ve already tried talking to friends, medication and self help and whilst they helped for a while you need a more longer lasting solution.

Why do we blog…is to share these darkest deepest thoughts..💔 of unhappiness…anxiety, depression, anger, sadness…abandonment..

My mental health has relapses…😕 at times..

Especially with depression and my eating disorder…of being petrified of it returning 💔

My eating disorder…💔😢

I hate you because you’re taking over me,
but I love you ’cause you’re making me the girl I want to be.
Why do I love you when all you do is put me down?
Making me starve ’till I fit into the smallest gown.
With the loss of each pound I’m closer to my goal,
with your help I will make this broken girl whole.
Filled with fear at every bite I take,
my plan will be ruined with just a bite of that cake.
Counting calories and fearing how much I weigh,
I am beginning to learn that you are here to stay.
My reflection has become something I fear,
I dread the time when I will look into that mirror.
The pains in my stomach seem to never go away,
It grumbles with hunger while in bed I lay.
Every little bit of food I take in,
Must come back up to make me thin.
If I disobey anything you tell me to do,
If I really swallow the food I chew.
I must stick my finger down my throat once again,
and all the food must come up despite the pain.
You have become my only true friend;
I fear the day our relationship must end.
But I know that you are here for a while,
so I hide our friendship behind a smile.
Oh so help me to become beautiful and strong,
I know that it is with you that I belong. 💔

Sharing my thoughts with you as given me all what I want to do…help others and make people happy.. because you all deserve..happiness and 💓…my experiences above, was when I was in a rehab centre..for two months last year..💔..😘

Suicidal tendencies 😢…

Days of endless struggle.
More hopeful pills today,
Trying to appear “normal”
In some sort of way.

It seems that the struggle
Is always here with me,
And I wouldn’t be here now
If guilt would leave me be.

I know there’s been many
Who’ve had it worse than I,
But that doesn’t always mean
That I wouldn’t say good-bye.

People say I have a lot going for me.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t see.
I can’t see because my worst enemy
Is not my life but inside of me.

Always on a roller coaster,
Not much consistency.
I’m nothing if I’m not up or down.
I’m nothing if just “me.”

Very little energy,
Wanting to stay in bed,
Wishing to be enthusiastic
Instead of feeling like I’m made of lead.

Wanting to be excited,
Wanting to care for more,
But when nothing makes sense,
It’s hard to focus on the poor.

Cluttered mind, cluttered thinking.
It’s hard to keep in touch
With what is happening around me
And not to worry too much.

I feel that everybody is better than me
And that I can’t do anything right.
This is how I’ve felt my whole dang life;
It didn’t just start last night.

No confidence, no self-esteem.
Everybody else is right.
To speak my mind is to be a fool,
So I just try to “sit tight.”

Any one of these problems
Would be a heavy vice,
But when you have them ALL
Living seems like a roll of the dice.

xx..

You’re Beautiful…And human….As Always…♥️💗♥️

Pretty ugly,,,

I’m very ugly

So don’t try to convince me that

I’am a very beautiful person

Because at the end of the day

I hate myself in every single way

And I’m not going to lie to myself saying

There is beauty inside of me that matters

So rest assured I will remind myself

That I’m a worthless terrible person

And nothing you will say will make me believe

I still deserve love

Because no matter what

I’am not good enough to be loved

And I am in no position to believe that

Beauty does exist within me

Because whenever i look in the mirror

I always think

Am I as ugly as people say….

(Now read bottom up) 💔

xx 😘 💗..

Life….🌸..

Life is what we make it..so that’s what they say, but is it the life that we created…for ourselves,

Absolutely not.. did we ask for a mental health illness, eating disorders, panic attacks, bipolar, anxiety, depression, ptsd, stress..struggle..self harm, suicidal thoughts and feelings…💔💔😢..

Our life is sometimes damaged…based on what we have been through..what we have witnessed.. from others..and the people that have deeply hurt us…or something that’s been a traumatic event and caused complete tumult , like a bereavement of a relative.. or friend…😞.

Listen peep’s…. it’s so hard to try and be happy, struggling in our lives…but when we can find some sort of positivity ..

A very true saying…💔..

In my life I’ve been through a lot..of being bullied, being hurt, feeling unhappy…lonely, and losing a parent as a child at the age of 9 yrs old….which was the start of early depression in my childhood…being bullied by my elder siblings..

But I needed to get the help that I needed.. 🙏🏻

And I thank the lord of guiding me to try to believe in myself…💗😊✌🏼

Encouragement is the key to help others..like myself, happiness is truly important to your life…be yourself…don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, no matter what illness!!! you are beautiful…you sparkle just like anyone else in the world…maybe you don’t feel that way at the moment some of you..but time will slowly heal a 💔 xx

HEY YOU!!!
AND YES I’M TALKING TO YOU…😉

My life is now the key to my happiness..😜 sometimes I do have setbacks.. but I can slowly mend..and think positive again…

I love the nature, and creativity..going hiking 🥾😀 mountain streams… animals.. abundance.. flowers 💐 writing poetry…of inspiration..🥰 this is all going to happen for me…It may take some time.. but it will..😘.

The heart of nature and life…😙

I know it may feel Impossible to meet the expectations and demands of life, at a time, when your heart is laid to waste, You know don’t let anyone rush you through the pain, there’s a balance of healing and joy and brokenness, and you have to move through both to make your rough edges smooth again, you have to wade through the thick waters to heal your broken pieces, and it will happen gradually, steadily, sometimes with set backs, but you’ll slowly mend..♥️

Don’t give up on your life…try and give yourself happiness..🌹 xx

My Inspirational Poetry For A New Year Ahead 💗

Hello darling’s 🌸😊

An amazing things happens when you get honestwith yourself and start doing what you love, what makes you happy.

You stop wishing for the weekend , you stop merely looking for special events…..you begin to live in each moment, and you start feeling like a human being..you just ride the wave that is life..

With this feeling of contentment and joy..you move fluidly, steadily, calm, and grateful .

A vail is lifted, and a whole new perspective is born….😘

xx…

My Inspirational poetry for mental health…💔..

Hi my lovelies 🙂.

When I was in a rehab centre last year…I had written a lot of poetry…which was heartbreaking..and I would now like to share it with you all..and try and release a sense of relief from pain and the sadness that I once felt..💔.

I want to share this, as this will show how your definitely not alone in this process..✌🏼 and I’m with you every step of the way 100%..♥️

Lately I haven’t been feeling well and I’m sorry if I don’t smile as much I’m sorry if the words hurt a bit more

I’m sorry if you don’t like how I do things and I’m sorry if instead of hurting myselfthe way I used to..

I’m hurting you instead, it’s hard to scream without my voice, now I can’t cry for help, now I have to wait for someone to see me trying, I’m sorry…..

In a sudden twisted inward I’am lurched into an altered consciousness, of palpitating silent fear…fighting invisible strangling fingers, of irrational thought..

Neutrons are playing pinball in my head as someone else is looking out through my eyes at the people around me, who are all fine and well breathing normal air…

My heart is desperately afraid it runs and runs away so hard from a threat that exists, only in my mind but I’am distorted by panic, and my breathing betrays..my mind is clamouring wearily at me, to relax, get a grip there is no cause for such extreme sensitivity, it is only my own self consciousness nothing is really wrong…

Social Anxiety…….

Yes I’m positive, stomach churnsacid burns that’s just to visit friends, my heart needs interaction but just wants the night to end…

Anxiety….💔

I’am always overwhelmed, by that feeling where your heart won’t slow down and your mind is freaking you out, and your palms are sweaty….

And I can’t help but feel like I did something wrong constantly,

I’m overwhelmed by anxiety and I can’t stop shaking and there’s no way to stop it, and I can’t stop thinking about how It would be.

If it just stopped

If it just stopped…..

When I’m upset…

I shut myself down, I have no motivationfor anything I tell myself that nobody cares… even though I know some do..

I think about all of the negative things, I could possibly think of..I give myself all the pain thinking I deserve it I’m not sure why I do that, but that’s just how I’am…

Take care…✌🏼♥️..xx

Anorexia Nervosa, Anxiety And Depression, Isolation,…Saying Goodbye…😢💔

Hi, peeps…🙂

Feeling a little overwhelmed again..as I went to see a counsellor today…and I must admit I let out some of the anger and bitterness from my childhood past….😢 I felt a sense of release at last somehow..but I’m getting there slowly…

This is a hidden story, that remained closed, a healing heartbreak of illness…and hurtful memories….💔

My mental health illnesses, of depression and anxiety… anorexia nervosa, isolation, was a huge struggle to fight…having grasps of healing to try a restore my soul..I found it really difficult along the way and I’ve finally adjusted ♥️..

My story will hopefully guide others in the process….of healing and restoring their mental health…and wellbeing..🙂.


My quote I’ve found…..helped me..

“Did you really want to die?”
“No one commits suicide because they want to die.”
“Then why do they do it?”
“Because they want to stop the pain.

As we struggle we can become more stronger..more open with our lives…when coping with depression and anxiety…it can bring on all sorts of emotions..and mixed feelings of anger and sadness…😞 when I had suicidal thoughts and experiences..especially with self harm… I did my best to hide my scars away from others…until one day my mother..noticed the bad scaring when I was ready for taking a bath 🛀 and became that upset she got me some help…even though at first I refused and became very emotional and angry 💔.

My life quote…that I shared at the time that left my family in despair…😢.

😢😢

But now I could never do it….speaking to someone, extremely helped..don’t get me wrong I always become frightened of going into relapse…but I do try to keep myself busy…💔

There Is always a positive outlook…my poetry..and inspiration…as some people know on here, I’m a trained listening volunteer at samaritans…that also keeps me more grounded to help others…♥️ and I’m always here to offer support to anyone who is struggling, out there!!! you are not alone..✌🏼🌹

“The loneliest people are the kindest…

“The saddest people smile the brightest…

“The most damaged people are the wisest…

“All because they do not wish to see anyone else…suffer the way they do..

Counselling is helping me a great deal..of not feeling so overwhelmed..and not feeling the risk of self harm and suicidal thoughts..because we all deserve to be here..🌹..I definitely understand a person when they have suffered physically and mentally..like I had in my past life and I’m saying goodbye to it all 💗💋I’m letting go..

I’m setting out to do what I was going to do…lead an outgoing life out in nature 🐬..my fundraising events..and charities, 😘…and of course my samaritan work 😊…

And I want to thank someone… on wordpress nikki I thank you so much… for that beautiful post, of no matter what we go through in life..each day is a gift 💝 ..and I truly appreciate that..t.y 😘.

Take care everyone…♥️♥️..

Remember you all deserve to be on this earth..😊😘

Xx