Hello my happy bloggers…..
This is about my childhood…..growing up without one parent… That I lost at the tender age of 9 yrs old….
When I was Young, my father meant everything too me, I was a dad’s first born… And of course then my brother, in which he was only 2 yrs old at the time of his death…
It was a very hard intense moment for me, as I was present at the time of his death, at the age of 42 yrs I was there in that horrible experience… I remember shouting him… at the time and It was really hard, even today I can still see his face 😢😞 thinking I wish I was that 2 yr old…
Me, dad, mom and my family, we had lovely get together’s and holidays that I miss…. Mostly at christmas time…..We used to go to a club on a saturday evenings and going to disco’s 💃… That’s where the love of music comes from. 🎶
I was very lucky I suppose as a child, christmas time was the best, I loved opening presents 🎁 when dad was there…. to see our faces glow with excitement…. And mum 😊
But losing him was the hardest, for me… I became shocked in my childhood, that I don’t think I ever grieved properly, as I never spoke about his death, and seeing everything that reminded me of him was utterly turmoil…. 😞
This was difficult on my mental health issues, I was in complete denial that he was gone…. My mum had met someone new and remarried two yrs after dads death…. Which had gotten me so angry.
I’m not going to lie, I made his life a living hell, I was extremely hard to cope with, and (I see it now) that I’ve changed because I’m older.. But what became more difficult for me was that mum became pregnant… And when she told me, I was livid… I used to tell extreme lies about him to seek attention from my mum….
I suffered depression, grief and loss…. It was so difficult for me to express my feelings as a child, no one ever asked how I was feeling….Everything reminded me of him, like for example I was a big fan of kylie minogue and jason donovan…and I still am. But kylie was my absolute idol growing up, my mum and dad brought me her videos and records that even today I could never ever part with them….. It would absolutely break my heart 😢💔.
Them are my fond memories of him, listening to them songs around the house, in his presence….even though it wasn’t his type of music…and also sharing happier times with him at the movies…. 🥰🥰
My mental health raised when I was at school… As you all understand I had a tough time being bullied…but I used my dads death as a comfort… So people would stop picking on me…but even though it was a struggle I did manage to cope with that.
My anxiety and depression, became worse, due to being bullied, that I needed dads guidance, even though mom tried her best, but at the time I was just to difficult… I was extremely angry… I’ve never been a bad influence in my life… But i was just in complete denial as I said before….
But I became strong, and if I didn’t have guidance in my life, I wouldn’t be as strong than I ever thought I would be, 🏋.
And my mom’s partner I excepted, along with my sister, as I wouldn’t be without them now…
But dad will always be in my memory.. And always in my heart.. with music too…
grieving was the hardest thing, as a child but whoever as been through hard times losing a parent….please share if you found it difficult..
I love my family now… And dad is shining over me⭐ because he’s guided my life…into a whole lot more even though there as been struggles….
Miss you dad…28 yrs today 😘😘🌹🌹..xx
Take care, love ❤️ peace✌ and happiness…😁
and please my lovely pals…. Read my post on my other site eternal moments… As everything is my journey of my life sooo far, I would be much appreciated…Thank you… My lovelies ❤️