How I Will Heal Again……Battling Anorexia Nervosa…With Time And Patience…. πŸ’”πŸ˜’

Hello my friends…

I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. And I need to open up the door,

Anorexia nervosa is the most dangerous eating disorder of them all, which made my body image look distorted for a long time…….. Lord help me I suggested…..I need faith and strength, to over come this terrible illness,.. because I’ve been at a stage of binge eating from depression I struggled to cope, and it was painful to think of ever getting like that again, so I had the desire of becoming thin…By starving myself into an oblivion……

Dear Anorexia, I’m calling it quits.

I’m upset at this precise moment, of why you have done such a thing? I always felt betrayed by you, I actually thought you were using me from the very start,

I remember when I met you. You were so stunning I was absolutely captivated by you, you were everything I ever wanted to be, you were everything I desired. And in that moment, I decided that I needed you, I needed your guidance, I needed your advice, I needed your opinions, I breathed for them, I lived for them.

You made me feel whole, you made me feel new. I was finally finding myself. I let you take me. I handed myself over on a silver platter, and you were more than happy to indulge in my innocence.

No matter what I did, no matter where I went, I knew you would always be there for me, I knew you would look out for me, You wanted the best for me, You became my bestest friend…..I didn’t believe anyone understood me the way you did.

But I became very obsessed with you, and you thrived from my obsession. By the time I realised how wrong you were for me, you had already achieved what you wanted, I was addicted to you. You took complete advantage of me, you took my youth, you took my purity, you took my happiness, you took my creativity, you took my independence, you took my confidence, and most of all my strength.

You have taken everything from me, Now every time I eat I think of you, and it makes me sick. Now every time I sleep I dream of you, now every time I wake up you’re my first thought, now every time I feel contentment, it’s short lived. Now every time I look in the mirror, I can’t see myself clearly.

You made me believe I was worthless, you made me believe that I didn’t deserve happiness. You made me believe that I wasn’t good enough, that I wasn’t pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough, you made me believe that the world is cruel and that love is a complete and utter lie…

But you were fucking wrong…….

Every moment with you was disoriented.

You never made me feel whole, or new, I never found myself when I was with you, I found depression and darkness, you were never there for me, you never looked out for me one bit, you only looked out for yourself, you never wanted the best for me……

You never truly knew me, and you never understood me. You were never a friend, you were just a devil dressed as an angel.

I’am still broken because of you I truly am……

I am still recovering, I am still struggling, I am still healing in the process, you still haunt me every single day. But the ghost of you is diminishing little by little. And as your ghost fades, my soul will be restored, and I will take back my youth, my purity, my self esteem, my happiness, my creativity, my independence, my confidence, and most importantly my strength.

I need to take some time to get better my pals, and hopefully I will return soon once I’ve restored my health……

Take care, Love, peace, and above all happiness…..cheerio!!!!