My Mental Health blog πŸ’”

Mental Health stigma quote:

“You can’t tell just by looking at someone what they are dealing with inside,”

Mental Health quote:

“Never apologize to for their misunderstanding of who they are.”

“I am still me, no matter my mental health.

In this blog I will be telling my own story to try and spread the word about mental health awareness and to help make a difference to other people’s lives.

Over a period of time my mental health has been a huge struggle over the years, as a teenager and an adult through certain issues, to being bullied, bulimia in my teen yrs, low self esteem, to anorexia nervosa, anxiety, stress, depression, and panic attacks.

Now everybody at some point in their lives deserves to be loved and are always in need of a friend to look up to when they are struggling with certain issues, “now I don’t want to baffle on about my life lol :] but as a child I was a slow learner and yes some children are slower at learning than others I was bullied for that very reason.

But growing up into adulthood I was learning to look at different stratergies :

RULE 1:We as people are strong.

RULE 2: We are human no matter how we struggle inside.

RULE 3: We can make it happen and be successful.

Now these stratergies helped my career of being successful, I didn’t know what I decided to do because I was such a slow learner I couldn’t work with children as I couldn’t write things down on paper so first choice in my eyes was to become a carer as it was more practical based and that helped me a lot to learn more in my adult life to answer questions and take part in certain situations in groups which I didn’t fit into at the time of my school days But I thought hang on just because the majority of us are slow learners doesn’t mean that we can’t be successful in later life does it πŸ™‚

But for yrs I have struggled to over come certain obstacles along the way with my mental health ie: trusting people being afraid, isolated, social anxiety, depression, anorexia, low self esteem,

My bullying at school was the hardest struggle I never fitted in with the popular crowds I always got teased of how I looked, and that brought on my low self esteem issue’s. I was always a shy quiet girl I never had an out- going personality I always found it hard to mix with a group of friends they would always use me or play tricks on me, there was a ring leader she would call me names, try and beat on me with her gang of friends,call me fat and that led me to having bulimia in my teen yrs at the age of 12 or 13 it was difficult as the teachers did nothing about it. It also lead to anorexia nervosa in later adult life of thinking of how I’ve always looked. Even my elder siblings made my childhood hurtful name calling, obscene words, I was an embarrassment esp- to my older sister, she would take my cousin shopping everywhere because she was more out-going than I was, she would become spiteful and hateful to me. My elder brother who is an alcoholic and a bully with violence and drugs abuse, was so hurtful and I got bullied badly because he went to the same school as me and everyone knew him for what he was[ esp with drugs] he couldn’t keep his woman beating hands to himself “I’m probably going to sound very scathing and angry here” but I got bullied because he blacked his girlfriend’s sister’s eyes in a nasty argument and I got beaten bad because I was family even though I wasn’t there at the time that it happened so I suffered that because of what he had done!!! he is also very nasty insulting and cruel has he as been through out my entire childhood and adulthood he also set about my mom in a very bad way has I was there at the time that happened which I do admit I do find difficult sometimes to forget but I try and move away from that situation and carry on.

Now I always looked at myself as being a closed book but I needed to open the book to help others who have experienced difficult periods of bullying

I know it maybe difficult for some but we can look at forgiving the past and think of how we can maintain an outgoing life.

I started to figure out how I could be forgiving to my siblings and the people that have hurt me first because it was so important to try and lead a outgoing life of my own “Now I know it’s not everybody’s preference or I don’t know probably it is” bless you but I started going to church and I felt so comfortable when it started talking about forgiveness thinking of how I could stop thinking about the past that lead me to have a further breakdown and most importantly to me was to stay strong and try and heal myself and my past by being forgiving and it has guided me in many ways.

Quote: Show respect even to people who don’t deserve it; not as a reflection of their character, but as a reflection of yours.

I’am in charge of how I feel and today I’m choosing happiness.

“Yes this is true saying” the scars from being a victim of bullying may heal over time, but the trauma from the experience may never be forgotten.

Because believe me we are amazing and never forget that if you have experienced any form of bullying, if people have tried to bring you down it only means that you are above them. I know it’s not easy for some as they do tend to struggle as they look for a way out but please don’t let them win we has people who has experienced this by being bullied by someone we can be strong and forgive, that is when happiness comes your way as it did for me by forgiving the past and moving on.

There was not a moment where I thought can I open up about my mental health issue’s until I needed a time to change of the way I felt about my emotions and I did have a difficultly opening up as I bottled everything up inside.

We can open the door and feel free about our mental health issue’s and help others who are struggling.

In term’s of low self esteem everybody isn’t the same of what we feel or how we feel but we deserve love and happiness whether it be different cultures of religion, sexuality, background, and race, and also in people who are different to others.

My anorexia nervosa was an emotional and physical rollercoaster it destroyed my family life and social life basically anything that brought some happiness into my life was taken away by anorexia nervosa because of low self esteem issue’s.

Recovery seemed to be an impossible journey but this treatment was meant to be a turning point to the point where I started to live my life again and catch upon the yrs that I missed to restore my health.

Anorexia had ruined so much besides choosing my career as a carer I had ambitions one was to become an air hostess and travel to different parts of the world [bearing in mind at that point at this stage I was 20 yrs old].

I will state an honest fact that in anorexia’s eyes the first thing is to die? so i started treatment, I was going to be a story of recovery my life was going to begin I was going to be a better person and I’m happy to say that it was a success and that I did succeed.

I’m actually not going to lie, it was not an easy journey and not pretty, tears, anger, frustration, and confusion. It was a very emotional process, but absolutely worth it as everything started to fit into place and it started to make an entrance back into my life, of being happy family get together’s, eating out with friends, loads of laughter, and for the first time it felt like I was getting in my life back on the right track of getting healthy :].

Yes it was the most terrifying journey of my life, but I never lost hope and faith to recover I just kept believing and putting my trust in the care team, my family was also very supportive and never doubted me through every moment as I began to blossom again, I was beginning to feel better and having that experience of getting my life back on track and starting to enjoy life again.

I managed to turn things around by becoming more happy and doing more enjoyable things. In all honesty, the future for me seemed a simple journey so bright after my recovery I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel but i’m not going to lie about this but this awful disease can stay with you for many yrs like it has me but to lead me to doing this and having a purpose is hopefully being able to inspire and help others realise that the journey to recovery may take a long process and there will be many bumps in the road ahead, but it’s totally worth it, and giving up is not an option.

If I have beaten this and made a full recovery from anorexia nervosa that helped me gain my strength back, then so can you because we are strong and you can find a light at the end of the tunnel, I understand that it can be difficult for some struggling out there but please never give up on hope, and faith because your journey will guide you the way to recovery and i’m with you every step of the way :] xx

My Depression and anxiety disorder

My depression and anxiety disorder over the years became quite difficult this is due to being bullied by others plus my siblings in the past that kept me very isolated and I was very afraid of trusting many people due to the past I had lost my father at the tender age of 9 yrs old and I blocked it from my memory that probably took me through depression in my childhood up to adulthood at the age of 19 yrs my anxiety i’ve suffered for yrs plus also going through social anxiety that kept me so isolated and being around other people so I needed to do a lot of work on that and try and gain a life of standing on my own to feet and not being afraid.

First I opened the door on my depression that got very bad due to self harm and I tried to redeem myself and try coming to the term’s of getting better ie, medication, doing different activities even though it was scary. Medication in many ways did help me lift my mood now “yes I know I’m dragging on ” but we who feel this way can find it difficult to adjust but maybe we can heal in term’s of looking at different stratergies to help:

I would write different messages on small pieces of paper and try to keep myself motivated each day by taking one step at a time “no I know it’s not easy for everyone but we can take certain things into account of what we can enjoy.

Now my favourite motivation is dancing around the house πŸ˜€ and of course music β€œi just love that feeling” you know that takes your mind off things when you are feeling very low you can sing away to your hearts content whether it’s rock music, pop bands, classical, whatever takes your fancy “well now I may make you giggle”? but I love music by stevie nicks and fleetwood mac “yes I know not bad for a 38 yr old” to enjoy that music but it relax’s me singing away to a bit of stevie πŸ˜€ [she is a honest inspiration of mine].

Stevie Nicks My Favourite Artist :] Wild Heart Album
Bella donna my favourite album :]

Well one day I was singing away to one of her songs [enchanted] in my kitchen with my headphones on and I was dancing and singing away “you know kicking and boucing around singing this song really loud at the top of my lungs [in my dressing gown] ah yeah until I turned around and saw that the builders outside my house was watching me trying attract my attention “now if you are wandering why their were builders outside my house they were doing some installments and their I was in my dressing gown dancing away I was like omg cringe but hey oh :). But i can’t help it that’s what makes my mood happy and it may work for you too :D.

I also love films and going to concerts,relaxing to all different kinds of music, tears for fears, sandi thom, 80’s music, I love to take walks, going shopping, travelling, I do try and stay as busy as possible to keep me away from self harm and depression, which helped keep me more grounded.

I had support off my friends and family that guided me to seek help with depression and anxiety and it’s now encouraged me to help others. YOU ARE NOT ALONE :]

“When I had spoken about my anxiety to someone who was genuinely interested in how I was feeling and they made the effort to understand, it lifted my mood and realised I’m not alone.

Anxiety took me down a difficult path and at the time no one seemed to understand what I was going through and I had no one who had experienced anything like it.

I had a every difficult time to relax and my sleeping pattern was all over the place esp: being at work the next morning. At 4am I started dozing off to sleep and then getting up at 5am to be at work for 7:30am I work in an elderly dementia care home and I have been doing that for over 20yrs and I found it really hard to focus because being a senior carer, the residents come first at all times as they need constant attention as they are being looked after because of their illnesses and I have to say due to my anxiety I’ve found it very challenging and distressing also esp when you are dealing with 33 residents taking medication and administering and going over and over again double checking everything in case you have gone wrong or missed anything and than at that point I would be overthinking issue’s that would spiral my anxiety out of control, sweating, pins and needles, an high heart rate ie palpatations, panic, constantly worrying,

It was a very difficult time where if I was to be challenged I would become defensive due to my past and start to take things personal.

I had a full breakdown at work my manager and deputy manager was very supportive my explanation of telling them that I was suffering from weight loss, anxiety, and depression that was later diagnosed by my gp in which I kept well hidden and then later realised that it was a psychological issue of an mental and emotional state due to my past which lead me to take some time off sick which I needed help from the mht and couselling I faced several issue’s along the way of self harm and suicidal thoughts. I did have the limited support from my fellow peers, so after a couple of weeks I was asked if I was suited for the senior care which I became very overwhelmed but in all fairness I was demoted for a while, so I could feel more comfortable again and stay more focused. So I decided to try all kinds of different strategies and goals to heal myself and here is how I have managed to overcome these issue’s below: by keeping a journal diary.

These were my struggles at first:

1, I was a closed book to feelings.

2, I was a lonely person.

3, I was a very angst person.

4, I had feeling’s of being empty, feeling numb.

5, I had difficulties opening up

6, I had low self esteem.

7, Self harm and suicidal thoughts.

8, Being scared and afraid.

9, Talking about past issue’s ie bullying by siblings and other people.

10, I was isolated scared of mixing with others.

These are my thoughts that I changed to heal myself.

1, Being happy and a bubbly person

2, Trying out new things.

3, Making new friends

4, Having other opportunities new career.

5, Opening up more frequently.

6, Not being scared and afraid.

7, Loving myself as a person that I’am.

8, Start to trust yourself and others.

9, Loving to travel.

10, Laughing more, and smiling more.

Now I know all these seem quite a struggle at first and I’m not saying that it’s easy but you can take one step at a time to adjust yourself think of the things you would you love to do by looking at staying positive instead of looking at the negativity side of things.

Now I love drawing and painting :] and have an interest in pottery classes now this helps me to relax. You can think of the things you would love to do ie meeting people with the same interests, do more activities, be happy with yourself [meditate]

Think no more sorrow, isolation, emptiness, I CAN DO THIS πŸ˜€ xx

Staying strong and positive as a person. It took me a long time to open up, particularly at work, as I felt a lot of shame around my condition. To be honest, I still do. However, as soon as I talk to someone who is genuinely interested in how I’m feeling and makes a effort to understand, it lifts my mood and makes me realise I’m not alone. And neither are you XX πŸ˜€ XX “I’m with you 100%”

We All Deserve To Be Loved No Matter What Obstacles You Face :] x

The healing process of recovery to mental health.

Recovery can take time and is different for everyone. As well as getting treatment underway, you’ll need to find new ways to manage and live with the changes and challenges of anxiety and/or depression.

While psychological and/or medical treatment can help with your recovery, there are many other ways you can help yourself to get better and stay well.

Stages of recovery.

1, Shock at having to deal with something difficult and scary that you have no prior experience of.

2, Denial or difficulty in accepting having a health problem, particularly one that people find hard to understand.

3, Despair and anger at having to deal with the condition and it’s related difficulties.

4, Acceptance of having a condition and the changes it brings, and accepting how others see you and how you see yourself.

5, Coping by finding new ways to live with and tackle these changes and challenges.

There is ways of recovering by looking at the available support.

There are a range of effective treatments and health professionals and other support people who can help you on the road to recovery. There are also many things you can do to help yourself and stay well. The important thing is finding the right treatments and the right health professionals and support team that works for you.

On getting better I started working my way up the ladder, looking for different types of things that I used to love doing and getting back on the right track I’ve always had hope and faith of helping others because what type of mental illness you have experienced you are not alone in this process as we all deserve happiness, love and joy in our lives, “I know that I’m rambling on lol” but I do have sympathy and I’m very sensitive to these situations as people do tend to have struggles in life that can’t be helped through mental health which is as you know what I have experienced.